Fantastical Reality
by Areka Tyliss
Summary: Kaoru longs for him, but she's positive he'd never want her. Could she be mistaken? Twisting and poisoning her mind until wrong is right and truths are lies, if she goes there she can never come back. Can he save her? KxK
1. Nie

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, but this was a dream of mine and it belongs to my subconcious. My poem at the beginning belongs to me as well. Tell me if I should go on with this story. Fantastical Reality of Nightmares "I'm living through my waking nightmare I'm slipping through the years without an action. I'm pantomiming my duties and everyone around me is a jumbled mass of laughing faces and flesh. All I can do is think my thoughts all the time without care. My soul has hardened and my heart is icy, but my brain is racing. The essence of creativity possesses me. I'm wooden in my movements. It drives me to constantly scrawl meaningless words across infinite sheets of paper. I'm going insane and suddenly I'm seeing through both sides of the lookiing glass. Then I stop and lay down on my soft bed of lies and know tthat sleep shall never come and I don't deserve it. I'm so dead tired, I can't do this anymore. My frenzy has ended and I no longer care." By Areka Tyliss 

It started out a strange day. Looking back now, Kaoru realized that her problems hadn't actually begun that day, they'd been brewing for awhile, but that day was reallythe turnabout.

It was the first in a series of two weeks of a reaccurring dream. Kaoru was running in a dead panic. She was exhausted, but she couldn't stop moving. No matter what. She was passing through unknown streets, but she knew the way. Eerie houses leered at her. She ran up to every front door. There was a handprint, red, and a note. The words were incomprehensible.

She came to a final door and moaned without fully knowing why. Checking the door, she saw the handprint and paper tacked to the door. Unsure of what to do, she glanced down at her hand and screamed. Her hand was red and smelled coppery.

In the waking world, she'd have been able to identify the foreign substance covering her palm in a heartbeat, but here she still didn't know. She looked around the neighborhood and noticed again that it was barren of any life rather than hers. The lack of sound closed in on her and she started babbling to keep the silence away.

Her heart thudded like thunder in her burning ears. Turning quickly back to the door se raised her hand and saw that it fit the handprint exactly. She felt dizzy like a bout of deja vou. Finally recognizing the blood all over her she struggles to read the note.

'I will revolutionize the world in its entirety.' She grabbed the door to shove it open and gasped. Flames rose up and licked her body, but she felt nothing but icyness. Shrieking she fle through the doorway and looked up, not believing what she saw. The bodies of her friends, parents, Kenshin, were all burning in a funeral pyre.

In a fright she attempted to tear her eyes stinging with tears away. Unconciously she wiped her eyes, but the gruesome horror ensnared her mind. Shifting her gaze to the top she wasn't surprised. She might have been confused, dreams very rarely have any semblance of sense and this was no exception.

The girl on top of the pyre was laughing insanely. Her head had the appearance of that it had tried to be chopped off but the executioner was clumsy. Kaoru locked familiar blue eyes with Kaoru. The other girl stopped her madness and repeated over and over the phrase burned forever into her soul.

Blazing words ecoed from a mouth not supposed to exist and the voice emitted was so terrible to behold that Kaoru knelt on the ground but could not block that voice. No human on earth was meant to listen to the voice of a demon and nothing could have prepared Kaoru for meeting herself and her inner thoughts calmly screaming words she needed to ignore at her.

The flames were consuming her and finally the immense heat shattered her protection of ignorance and cold. No longer could she avoid it. Truth was shinning too brightly for her to look and she was going blind with the pain and agony of the lies wrapping and constricting around her already weak and miserable body.

"Nothing is eternal."


	2. Inolb

Hi there everyone! Sorry it took me so long to post, but Christmas is time consuming! Here's the next chapter and if I were you I'd pay attention to every last sentence of each chapter. ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

Intoxication It's a sickness, so contagious 

I do myself in, so outrageous

I drink it in and I want more

Next day regrets and feeling sore

I thought it was supposed to be a relaxing night. Not sure what happened, but something definitely went wrong. Very wrong. Maybe we shouldn't have let her drink at all, everyone's aware of her extreme intolerance for alcohol, but everyone was having fun and I hadn't even realized she'd taken a sip.

Until the entire jug had been emptied. Unsurprisingly Sano had figured the lack of sake out first because he'd tried to take a drink. The complaining ensued.

"Whattha hell? Wherza sake?" Kaoru was hiccupping and it didn't take a genius to see the sake she'd dripped down her kimono. It only took Yahiko who had surprised everyone by staying awake after some sake and the lateness of the hour.

"I guess Busu needed a drink." Kaoru looked up with tears in her eyes, but I think that I was the only one who saw them. I suppose I should have done something there to prevent the upcoming disaster, but I was a drunk as the rest of them. I joined in.

"Yeah, Tanuki girl must be really out of it by now. What were you thinking?" She looked desperately around but Sanosuke was laughing to hard to say anything and Kenshin had kind of dozed off I think.

"Do you really think I'm ugly?" In a normal situation, everyone would have noticed a change by now, but like I said no one was paying attention. The teasing went back and forth for about twenty minutes and by this time Kaoru was really angry.

"I can't even believe!" Her voice started out yelling but at Sano's laughter, it dwindled to a slight murmur that was probably intended for her ears alone.

"that I never noticed myself." She bowed her head and stared at her fists, shoulders shaking. I never even saw the tears flood from her eyes and I'm positive she wanted it that way for whatever reason.

"I guess I've been like this so long… escaped my attention… the only way to fix it… but if anyone would know it would be them… just trying to help me out…" I leaned forward, but could only catch snippets and pieces of her apparent lecture to herself. She seemed to be trying to gather the courage for something, but how would I know how much I regret that evening. Maybe if I'd done something. It doesn't help wondering like this and she did have a happy ending. Well, not really, but at least she's not _unhappy_.

"I'm sorry you guys, but I can't take this." She looked up suddenly with a fierce gleam in her sapphire orbs, still spilling tears like crystal diamonds sliding down the petal of a melancholy blossom petal. I thought, for a moment, that I could see all of her pain and misery in those sapphires rolling across and clouding the sky that was Kaoru Kamiya.

No matter what we had been teasing her about that night, she really is a beautiful girl. Striking looks. Her raven hair that night was glossy and shining as ever, a mockery to the fact that she was so depressed and so pretty. At this point I think everyone had figured out that there was, as I said, something seriously wrong with the situation.

I don't know what she was thinking then. I'd bet anything that no one in the world that night had any idea of what was running through Kaoru's head, not even her. The next events are a bit of a blur, but it started in what appeared to be slow motion that quickly turned to fast paced panic.

Kaoru stood up, looked around slowly, scrutinizing our faces carefully. I idly wondered what she was searching for, truth, or her twisted version? When she came to mine, I noticed oddly that the look of being able to see through her center core had passed. Her sapphires were nothing but empty mirrors that, like the rest of blind humanity, reflect images of those who stare deeply enough. I saw myself in her eyes.

I felt a strange sensation come over me and I shivered nervously. I know for a fact that she misread my shiver of fear as a shiver of something else directed towards her. Hatred? Distrust? Disgust? All I know is I blame myself, for I was the obvious omen and final straw in confirming her rash and terrible decision.

She turned and bolted out of the dojo and started running full tilt towards the woods with nothing but her bokken and the kimono that clothed her and shoes that were inappropriate for the type of journey she was embarking on. Sano yelled and Kenshin woke up suddenly. I scrambled to my feet and Yahiko was already out the door, but by the time our drunken bodies had gotten outside, it was too late. Kenshin was naturally worried sick and wanted to go after her then, but we convinced him to wait until morning to see if she came back.

_I ran until I got to the first tree and dashed behind it. I was breathing hard and it was cold enough for me to see my breath. I closed my stinging eyes and I leaned my head back against the tree. I felt dizzy, nauseous, and very sad. I immeadiately considered going back to the warmth and comfort of the dojo._

_I was about to turn around when I remembered the torments. The teases. Megumi's shivering when I confronted her with my stare. I couldn't go back to that. I had to search awhile before I could go home. stay out a bit and make them worry. My fists clenched and I had no idea. They deserved to be worried about me after all that!_

_I wondered if they were telling the truth about me when they called me ugly and selfish. I looked but couldn't see anything in their eyes. All I saw was myself reflected in them, like my friends were nothing but empty headed stones. I shivered and rubbed my shoulders and shook a little, not only at the thought, but also the cold weather._

_I still wanted to turn around; I hadn't quite convinced myself of what to do now. I paused in mid turn when I remembered kenshin's eyes. With my favorite hideout, warmth, shelter, a lust for revenge, and anger burning inside me, I no longer felt the snow on my skin, nor the flakes newly falling from the dark sky. I walked with a purpose and, walking like that to my eventual doom, I knew exactly where I was going. _

_Somehow, maybe deep down in my heart I knew that something horrible was going to befall me and with each step I was cutting off the things I knew and loved. For what? For my insecurities to be healed and perhaps my love of adventure. In my thinking and wishing my doom weren't happening and at the same time waiting impatiently for it, I remember one thing._

_I never once looked back._


	3. Thpitf

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin. But I own my pet named Meghan… Yeah and I'll only update if I get so more reviews. C'mon people, is it so hard to click that helpful little button at the bottom and send me a couple of sentences? Anyway…

The Hardest part is to forget

How will you deal now my chum?

C'mon tell the truth now don't play dumb

Your soul is heavy with chains of whose debt?

Only when the fear's in and set

Do you realize, too late, you're numb

You have lost your freedom after leaving because of a stupid bet

Somehow, I'm getting the feeling that life here will never be the same again. I hate this helpless feeling! I wish I could do something, but, as everyone keeps reminding me, what can I do at this age? I may be still a kid, but I have emotions too, as people seem to keep forgetting while telling me to go away.

It's not like they can really do anything. Kenshin is pacing like a captive tiger with glinting amber eyes. No one really tries to talk to him unless he's itching to leave and follow that stupid woman. How could she do this to us! We're all so worried about her and a week later, she still hasn't come back.

We've checked all her usual hang out spots and alerted the authorities to be on the look out for her, but somehow she is very good at evading the people who care about her most. Oh no. Kenshin is speaking to himself again. It's really creepy whenever he says anything because his voice is different. Raspier and deeper.

His honorific titles for the girls are gone and he never cooks or does the laundry anymore. As a result, Megumi has moved in with me and she tries to take care of the dojo as well as Kaoru did. I still can't figure out why she left, but it's not just Kenshin who's acting weird.

Megumi will stop in the middle of whatever she's doing and get this real faraway look in her tired eyes. One time she talked in that state, I think unconsciously, and I'm pretty sure she blames herself for Ugly's disappearance. Sano has been running around frantically and I get the feeling he has gone through a situation like this before, but I can't think of where.

Miss Tae is very worried and Tsubame is so sad. I feel horrible that everyone is depressed and that Kaoru isn't home, but I'm also feeling a little guilty. I think, out of everyone, I'm the least affected by Ugly leaving and I don't know why. I run around, helping people out, and trying to console them, but to no avail.

I just wish that Kenshin would leave and bring her back already. I don't know why everyone keeps trying to discourage him from going. Wouldn't it be better if he just left to go get her now? The police will never catch Kaoru, I know her better than that. If she's determined to not be found, the only person who can find her is Kenshin.

I guess I'm afraid. Fearful, nervous, and in rapt anticipation of the future. My secret? I'm scared for me more than for her. Yeah, I guess that makes me a greedy little child and maybe that's why no one thinks I can do anything. Maybe they know. Just how scared I am that everything will stay permanently changed.

_My teeth were chattering uncontrollably as I raced through the woods and skirted around the town to avoid the police. I saw wanted posters of myself up! I suppose I should have expected Kenshin to do everything he could to get me back but I never suspected that I'd have such a hard time getting away._

_One of my biggest regrets was the fact that the weather had turned very cold in the time I had been gone. I wondered how long it had been since I curled up in front of a fire, looked at Kenshin's smiling face, or not been starving. I couldn't remember where I was or where I was headed, just that I had to keep away from human contact. By day I ran through snow drifts and passed by trees stone cold. I had stolen what food I could and one day I got some hot miso soup from a kind old woman who found me after I'd passed out._

_I stayed at her house for a little bit before leaving while she slept. I can't believe I even contemplated stealing food from her, but I ran away before I could give in to my instincts or she could stop me. By night I burrowed deep in the snow I'd trudged through all day. I made a little snow cavern by digging horizontally. It was not the warmest, but at least I didn't freeze to death._

_I talked to myself constantly. Whether to make myself push on, keep my voice in tact, or because I'm going crazy I don't know. But I had whole conversations with myself all the time. I think at one point I lay down and just didn't want to get up. I thought to myself, why on earth am I doing this? Then I answered myself. I wanted them to regret. I surely must have taken leave of my senses then, because I don't remember anything for a little while and it had become dark out by then._

_Days blended together into dark or light and every minute was a great struggle, internally as well as outside too. Each second dragged on for a million years and pretty soon I got used to the routine. Methodically I'd pick up my feet and plunk them down one in front of the other. Or I'd steal money from innocent passerby to later buy food from unsuspecting merchants. I heard rumors of a wild girl that was made of ice, stole your money, and was as beautiful as a rose carved of winter itself._

_People began being more careful, but I still got what I needed. And traveled on. I didn't know it at the time, but I was making my way to a place I'd been once as an infant. How I remembered the way, I'll never know, nor how I managed to survive the harsh conditions without falling gravely ill. Maybe some kind of fate was watching to make sure I fulfilled my long and terrible destiny that the world could have surely done without._

_I was slowly, but surely making my way to the ancient capital of Nara, for what purpose I was oblivious to at the time. No, that's not correct. I knew I was going **somewhere** for a **reason**, just the exact location and specified details were lost to my wandering body and frozen mind. I saw an image of Kenshin surface in my mind's eye. I felt an aching sensation deep in my chest that only served to quicken my pace, as if, ridiculously I mistook the emotion, having no previous experience with it, that I wanted to get away from Kenshin and the memories he brought with him._

_I needed him to want me._


	4. Tepits

Disclaimer: Still don't own Kenshin, but I'm hoping to file a claim for it. GO Noemi! By the way, I can't update as frequently as I would like thanks to school, but stick with me please!

The Easiest Part is to Succumb

I'm waiting for you, will you come?

I'm losing my mind, where am I from?

I pace around all day and fret

Why the hell can't you save me yet?

I'm threatened and keeping mum,

Tears in my dulling eyes, so wet

I stop and rest a moment, leaning my head back against the support beam and close my eyes. I snap them back open immediately. I can see Megumi watching me from where she's doing the laundry a little bit away. Luckily, I think she's the only one who's cottoned on to my slight problem.

I have been trying to avoid sleep in it's entirety. Every time I close my eyes all I see is her face. First smiling and laughing. Then crying. God I couldn't look at her crying then, why must I now? Maybe the fact that whenever she cried I turned away was the reason…

I can't think about that now. I still have some work to do. What was it again? oh yeah. I look down at the bucket in my hand. Grocery shopping. The idea makes me glance the other way across the yard. I'm trying to convince myself it's because I want to see how Kenshin is holding up, rather than what keeps nagging at the back of my mind.

Golden eyes mutter to themselves in an odd voice, like someone who is losing the ability to talk. That can't be true, what with all the conversations he has with himself. I'm really worried about him. Just as much as I'm worried about the Missy.

Right. Food. I can do that. Ambling out the gate and making my way leisurely to the center of town, I can't help but notice how calm and peaceful everyone I pass looks. I sigh and glance over at the stall selling hot cookies. They're the missy's favorites. Ironically, the stall next to it is broadcasting their wares, sea shells. That gets me to thinking about the very woman I've been trying to divert my attention from, ever since Kaoru left.

_FLASHBACK_

_"Oh Sano look! It's gorgeous!" She pranced along the sand dunes without a care in the world. Sea gulls screeched, swooped and soared overhead, diving and rolling in a complex dance for the girl. She went barefoot most of her life and now was no exception. Squishing sand under her feet and wriggling her toes, she let out a yelp of pure joy when the minute wave crashed and swamped her ankles. _

_Sano stood back and grinned as he watched her play. It always was a wonder to him that she was so much older than him, and yet behaved like the child she'd always been. Her short, flowing dress came up as she spun around in the waves. Suddenly, she turned to look at him. She gave him a mischievous wink._

_Then her face paled. She looked frightened. Sano started and began running towards her. She appeared to be sinking and just before he got there, she vanished entirely. Sano whipped his head around, terrified. Not two seconds later, she popped up behind him and tackled him into the water._

_When he rose his furious face met her laughing one._

_"How could you do that to me!" she responded only with more laughter until he resigned himself to having to put up with the stupid woman and forgave her promptly in favor of pushing her down. He could never stay angry with her long. The sun was setting and it cast red shadows onto her normally auburn hair. They were soaked, salty, and exulting._

_PRESENT DAY_

I shake my spiked head to clear his thoughts. I walk briskly over to the vendor and purchase a small shell that I tuck away on my person. Later, after gathering groceries, I begin to walk home and once again she floats to my head.

The way she laughed. Her deep voice. Her surprisingly tall figure. The sunbeams interlocked in her brown hair that cascaded to her upper back in a couple of large waves. The way he always hated how she insisted on wearing her silky hair up day in and day out. One time she had tried to give him a ponytail and after that he had left it up to her to decide her hairstyle.

Her slightly dark skin from all the time she spent in the sun. god I missed her. I am through the gate and on my way to the kitchen before I realize it and Megumi stops me when she catches the far off gleam in my eyes.

"What are you thinking about so intensely?" I stare at her. What kind of question is that?

"Nothing." I look away guiltily. I hate lying to her.

" Sano." She catches hold of my sleeve and I sigh. I mutter low so no one else can hear.

"Karri." Just saying her name brings back the worst memory by far. I dream about it sometimes, I have to even be on guard while I slumber.

I'm running through the village. I'm calling her name. I run until I'm far out, almost to my house. I see my dad. He laughs and says 'it's alright. She's inside. You'll never guess where I found her.' He pats my head good naturedly and tousles my hair a little. I laugh awkwardly but I feel a need to go see her. Karri had run away and now she is back. But something feels wrong. dead wrong.

I run inside and navigate at top speed to her room. I can hear dad's voice calling after me, but I ignore it. I through open the screen and stop cold in my tracks when an awful scent assaults my nose. I feel sick. It's all over the place. I kneel down in front of her and can't stop the tears from flowing out.

"Why Karri? Kar Kar! Please let me get Dad! It's all over you. Your wrists are bloody!" even in her dying state she looks so beautiful and she smiles serenely at me, looking quite ethereal. I use her childhood nickname.

"Kar Kar." Now I'm begging and pleading.

"No Sano. It's ok. I did this. I'm going to a better place."

"Why don't you love me?" she cradles my head to her red spattered chest. I can hear her heart slowing down and it's becoming more and more difficult for her to speak.

"I do love you Sano, but I am sick of this world and so dead tired." She wipes my tears away with trembling hands, but this just causes me to wail.

"Stop." Her tone turned harsh.

"You are almost a man Sano, and you must be strong. You must not cry for other people's choices if they do not match your needs. Don't be greedy." I stop crying and hug her. Her pulse is faint and I hear her wheeze a little.

"I have a secret Sano, do you want to know what it is?" rushing on before I can answer,

"I'm afraid." And with those words her body goes limp and the death rattle hisses out of her self-mutilated body. My eyes are dry as I lay her corpse down.

How can I answer Megumi? I know she's curious of who Karri is. How can I tell her that I watched my only sister commit suicide when someone had interrupted her running away plans? How can I tell her that I did not cry at her funeral? How can I justify the fact that I loved her so much and I just let her die?

I was in pretty bad shape by this time. I hadn't passed anyone or seen a house for days and with the snow storms there was no food, or even a way to tell time. I simply gave up. There was nothing more I could do in this white-out that I hadn't already tried and besides, I was dead tired, literally. I sank to my sore and shaking knees and was about to maybe get some sleep when I dimly felt a knife pressed against my white throat. It was hard to tell of course, seeing as how the ice was sharp and I was pretty crazy by then.

I could have been imagining that I felt anything at all. Hell, I could have been imagining that I was even alive. Although I'm not exactly sure how you would go about doing that.

Too bad I wasn't. I was forced up onto my aching, frostbitten feet and herded toward a place that I could not see. I had closed my eyes so it was no wonder. After awhile I stubbed my toes hard on an entry way and I fell, facedown, onto the warm wooden floor in front of a raging fire. You should never know how nice it felt, but my body was in shock from going from very cold to quite warm. Needless to say I fell asleep quickly.

When I awoke I tried to size up my assailant. She was a little lacking. In height. Even compared to me. That startled me, not to mention the fact that she had a very strange hair and eye color and that she had to be less than 15 years old. She appeared to have a bush growing from her head. It was a color of many. Blood red, stark white, jet black, sunny blonde, all mixed to form a sort of brownish.

Her eyes, at the moment, (I'd learn a little later that they changed as often as a thought), were green like the summer grass. She was beautiful, in a wildly savage way, and she seemed to be talking to herself. Or singing. Her voice was one that I will never forget. It was the howling of wolves, the cries of eagles, the roars of tigers, and some unearthly song that was interwoven with her vocal notes and made every word she said burn into your brain.

I suppose if her voice had been any different, her spell might not have worked. It was like looking at all of nature in one girl. I have to say two feelings struck me simultaneously at that point. One was jealousy and the other was a lack of fear. An unreasonable trust that would prove to be my undoing. I listened to what she murmured.

"Wars aren't fought and won, they're fought continuously with time revolving in a circle," she paused briefly and her eyes flickered to my stare,

"You'd do well to remember that." I wasn't even aware that she knew I was awake, but oh well. She stood up and walked over to where I was seated on the floor. She looked down at me before walking behind me. I felt her sit down and slip a cold chain around my neck. for a moment I wondered if she planned to strangle me. Then, I heard the click of the fastening and she whispered right in my ear.

"A golden locket for ensnaring your soul."


	5. Topir

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin and I don't think I ever will.

The Only Problem Is Regret

Every night my dreams are filled with a eerie hum 

Beating through my temples like a sacrifice drum

I suppose for my mistake this is what I get

I'm ensnared in his woven of lies net

I'm not needy, far from a slum

He treats me well, but I am a sick pet

It seems to be working quite nicely, actually. As always, the beginning was a rough spot but, especially with this girl, it never takes too long for the trust to awaken and form inseperable bonds. But friendship isn't enough for me, no. Oddly, though I had suspected the chance it may happen, a great dependency on myself is the only way she is able to overcome.

I found her, almost dead and certainly willing to be, out in the harsh winter. After bringing her here she woke up just long enough for me to give her the locket. That's usually the most important moment, but sadly, she passed out as soon as I did. I lowered the poison dosage and she came around, after awhile.

Ravenous and exhausted, we exchanged no words for about fifteen minutes while she stuffed herself on my exceptional cooking that just happened to be laced with the same poison as is seeping through her chest now. She fell straight into a dark sleep, that's where I came in. every night, that's where I come in. whispering what comforts her and what scares her the most.

I am a silken voice to slip in her ears and ravage her mind. And she needs me. The next morning, she woke up quite cheerful, as is her normal demeanor, and asked for more food. This time, I didn't bother with the poison. Despite her happiness, she had a slight fever and for the next couple of days, I nursed her back to health while simultaneously corrupting her thoughts.

I suppose manipulating them is more like. After she ate on the sixth morning, she introduced herself and so did i.

_FLASHBACK_

_"Thank you so much for rescuing me! My name is Kamiya Kaoru."_

_"You're welcome Miss Kaoru." As soon as I said it, her smiling face turned to one of pain and sadness. She looked away from my puzzled expression. My faked expression. It was so easy, with her keeping her emotions riding on her sleeve like that. Plus, in case you're thinking this, she needed to confront Kenshin and I was going, am going, help her do so. I have nothing personal against Kenshin. Not really anyway._

"The way you addressed me. It reminds me of someone I know. I should be getting home to him…"

_"This man you speak of,"_

_"Himura Kenshin."_

_"Yes, Mr. Kenshin. If you truly want to go back to him, then why do you look to be in such pain?" it took her awhile to answer that one. Her voice started slow and soft, but by then end she was shouting._

_"It was they, Sano and Yahiko too, were all teasing me! I never did anything and they were being so mean to me! Especially Megumi! She is always hitting on Kenshin and trying to make me jealous and then laughing and telling everyone when I explode at her. I am just a laughingstock and it made me wonder whether they would really notice or not if I was gone!" she panted for a minute then looked me in the eye with guilt and sorrow reflected in those normally happy sapphires._

_"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, but," I interrupted her._

_"I'm here for you and to keep all those emotions locked up just isn't healthy. You should release them to the person who caused them." She looked down guiltily and stared at the floor._

_"I wish I could, but I'm not brave enough." I took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly._

_"I'm here to help you gain that courage." She nodded and wiped away her tears. A thought came to her suddenly._

_"What's your name?" if I showed hesitation here, I don't believe she noticed. This girl was different from all the others. I didn't have to fake my wanting to help her and that had never happened before. Ever. I thought for a moment of giving her my real name, or even my birth name. Before I could decide my opened and the easily practiced lie floated out. I think by now, my lies are easier to believe than the truth. Even my entire life revolved around somebody lying about something. _

_Unfortunately, I found the truth, but also the ability to weave a lie into the truth and mix it around until you weren't sure about right and wrong any longer. My life is a sad story that I hope I never have to tell. but if I do it'll be in a golden locket. _

_"Froni Tepits. Call me Froni." _

_END FLASHBACK_

To this day, every time she says my name I feel a little guilty. Why does she have any right to know who I am? Am I going soft or what? My sour attitude makes me a little short to her today, like a couple of other days, and she gives me the hurt, puppy dog look that I absolutely cannot stand. It reminds me too much of… someone I used to know. Briefly reflecting on my life so far, I wonder what he'd say. My sources tell me he's fine and dandy and likely he'd frown upon my doings. Does he even remember me?

Unnecessary thinking has always gotten me into trouble, so I shake my head and try hard to concentrate on the moment. Right. She asked me a question. What was it again? Ah.

"My life story? I'm almost twenty. What exactly do you want to hear? C'mon, can you be any more vague?" Form the expression to one of mild exasperation and mild amusement. The truth is, (whatever truth that still exists in my life, mind you), I am avoiding her question and I hope I can spark an argument so she can forget it entirely. Personally, I'm just not comfortable with this. My true, (again, I really doubt the existence of this word), life simply could not be told, as it would completely undermine the persona I've carefully cultivated, not to mention obliterating any bit of trust or any future relationship.

Depending on her skills, I'd certainly best her, but I might jeapordize some surrounding objects which would ruin my day. (I suppose killing her might too and then I'd have the even bigger problem of removing blood stains which is nearly impossible. Speaking from personal experience of course.) Which is why I was utterly dismayed at her answer.

"Ok. I will ask you simple questions then. Think you can handle it?" annoying, admittedly, but i have the patience of a wary predator and a little challenge is not by far what it takes to get me rilled. I respond coolly and suavely.

"I can take anything you dish out, Little One." Yep, there's a fine example of my supreme wit and eloquence. Needless to say, I regret the words, and momentarily ponder on the power to take back my words and avoid uncomfortable situations. A useful one, no doubt.

"Where were you born?" As soon as the words are out of her pretty mouth, my senses are tingling and my nerves are on edge. I'd have to think up some clever lies now and I wasn't really prepared for this. I should have been. This could be possibly advantageous. Let's play with her mind a little, shall we?

I eagerly awaited her answer. I hoped she'd take me seriously because all the other times, she'd blown me off and besides her name, I actually knew nothing about her. Except that her healing and cooking skills were fabulous of course, and she struck me as one who'd grown up with, I dunno, a younger sibling. Just the way she took care of me and how, when she thought I wasn't looking she glance at me and have some strange emotions mixing in her shining emeralds.

It'd never worked out for me to confront her on this strange behavior, but I always wondered, even now I still do. After everything that's happened I think everyone else hates her and probably expects me to also. Maybe it's just in my nature, or the climax of the events, but something holds me back. Luckily, or not so much for me, she responded with 'honesty'.

"Nara." Short and bitter. The funny thing is, I know now that Nara was a lie, but, accepting the fact that I remember correctly, I doubt that she was lying. It can't be so, but somehow I sense something important happened to her there. At the time, I was astonished and not a little lonely. Nara, the ancient capital, and birthplace of my mother. How old had she said she was? Almost twenty? She's probably too young to know my mother. I realized in that instant in shock, Froni had to be about my age. I always reguarded her as being so much older.

"Ok." I needed a second to regain my composure and she had that puzzled frown on her face again, like when she called me Miss Kaoru. After I told her about Kenshin, she quickly switched to the nickname Little One. Childish, but I was more mature than Yahiko, so I didn't argue about it. Besides, it seemed a bit familiar. My mind wandered.

Every night before I went to sleep, she would tell me an installment of a legend. When she finished one, she'd transition smoothly to the next one, and so on. She loved fantasy and her expertise was in rhythm, rhyme, and everything unreal. She was a wonderful storyteller, her voice swooping and soaring with that musical trill of nature. Pictures, scenes, and the people's actual voices, that she mimicked, were painted in my head and I miss that. I decided on my next question.

"Why do you love fantasy so much?" she looked me dead in the eye and there's no way she was lying.

"Reality is harsh and anyone who tries to face it without stories is living without hope. Without hope, you lose your mind, become obsessed with something, or you lose your soul." At my confused glance she laughed. A terrible sound and I instinctively covered my ears.

"You know the look. Dead and empty eyes of bottomless pits and movements like you're in a trance." I nodded. I knew. Her eyes darkened suddenly like a solar eclipse. Distant shadows capered and her voice dropped to a whisper. Not a pleasant one, but the wind ill at ease, when a tornado is seconds away. She never yelled at me though. Never raised her voice once.

"Or you fall in love." She looked at me and I could not break her gaze.

"Love is the most horrible thing to happen to you and you cannot truly call yourself free unless you rid yourself of the impurity." She gazed away from me and a shiver ran down my spine at her cruel words. Although the rest of the night we were happy and the incident was not mentioned, she refused to answer any more personal questions.

"In time, Little One." She'd smile and change the subject. Those words wormed into my heart and I never forgot them. I tried to deny them many times to myself, but I simply couldn't. After all, I reasoned, why would she lie to me? I became convinced, albeit slowly. That day I began the plunge. She never pushed me, but simply assured me I'd enjoy the fall and even more where I ended up.

I suppose if I'd left then I'd have been ok. Or maybe not. I don't know when it started. When I first left, got there, or whenever she opened her mouth. Doesn't matter now I guess. But I feel those words marked the beginning of a long, terrible path that she called… oh yes.

"The journey of Eternal Darkness."


	6. lwyhb

Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, but my pet Meghan is filing a motion in court today for ownership.

Look At What You Have Become

I can no longer bear to just sit on my bum

I'm lusting for inflicting pain to see and taste rum

I know it's wrong but there's no way I'll let

You know how much power over me you have though we just met

I'm dying of thirst, I will quench it with you and some

Roaring like an angry tiger or a jet

Poised above my newly learned sword rests my thumb

Standing over a bleeding corpse I am no doctor nor vet

Italics are Battosai, Bold is Kenshin talking to Battosai, and normal is actions and other people.

**There's no way that sessha can live like this.**

_It's not like you did anything to deserve this. It was those damn friends of yours._

**They weren't trying to make her leave. She simply drank too much sake and it went to her head. I should have stopped her.**

_And you let her._

I wince at the harsh words and wonder why I have to have such a cruel other persona. At the strange looks I've been getting, and the fact that they've been avoiding me, I can only assume my eyes are amber. Not like I want it that way.

_Well you don't really have a choice in the matter now do you?_

**No I suppose sessha doesn't. It's not like sessha asked for you.**

_No, you begged for me. Do I recall someone wanting to be stronger?_

_Pleading for help in Shishou's rigorous training? Wanting to help other people? Needing a place to escape to so you wouldn't have to bear the emotions of killing other people and, must I say it, repenting incessantly for our soul?_

**Yes. But sessha never dreamed you would still be with sessha to this day.**

_You never dreamed? No, you hoped. And I guess there's no way to convince you to drop the annoying sessha?_

**Absolutely not.**

_Why are we still here anyhow? Don't you want your beloved Miss Kaoru home?_

**You know sessha does! Where do you suggest we start looking for her! We've tried her usual haunts and she's no where to be found! We'll just have to wait for her…**

_Wait for her! What if she never comes back?_

**She will!**

I sigh and cut off the mental contact with him. Sessha. Sessha doesn't

know anymore. It's just… I miss her. I ignore the laughing resounding in my head. In my distress it's easier to drop the honorifics. Soon, I'll have to go after her. If I don't see her again in the near future… I don't even want to think about that.

I look around, trying to distract myself from dismal thoughts that get me nowhere and I stop dead. My breath is caught in my throat, my heart leaps and time completely stops. Our eyes lock, amethysts swirling in rhythm with sapphires and there's just us.

Ruining the moment, a croak emerges from one of us. And then we are running towards one another and I scoop her into my arms and swear I'll never let go of her again and maybe I might be crying. I don't know or care, she's back and that's all that matters. Except one thing.

I let go of her enough to appraise her condition. It isn't well. She looks starved, her fine ebony tresses are matted and her clothing is the worse for wear. Her eyes are still sparkling and the smile resides on her lips just as tenderly as ever. All might have been well, except for one thing.

When I caught her up in my arms, I was expecting a multitude of reactions. Relief, tears, happiness, shyness, apologizing, love, those wouldn't have shocked me. But what she displayed did. Not only that, it scared me and I don't know why.

For a second she was fine, but as soon as she started to relax, she suddenly stiffened. I caught a glimpse of the hard glint in her eyes like cold stone. Then, the moment had passed and I notice that her smile never wavered, just changed a little.

"Missy!"

Naturally everyone has come out to hug her and scold her and tell her she must never do that again. I watch her carefully through the proceedings and she didn't get that look on her face again. It was so fleeting, I could probably convince myself I imagined it. But I didn't get this far in life by ignoring potential danger.

Megumi calls me on my watchful behavior.

"Sir Ken! Why do you look so glum? Kaoru has returned!"

I shake my head and try a smile, but with my uneasiness I'm positive it resembles a grimace more than anything else.

"Sessha is fine Miss Megumi,"

I turn to Kaoru

"And sessha is glad Miss Kaoru, that you're back."

As I say this my smile is genuine because, I am happy to see her safe and sound, if only a bit bedraggled.

I look her in the eye as I say this to see her reaction. She smiles her hundred-watt smile and I almost begin to doubt my suspicions when she turns her head away. Like she is feeling guilty about something. I can't imagine what.

**I can.**

No. I won't consider that possibility. It's just plain too far fetched. Plus, there's nothing to support it. For all I know, she's just weary from wherever she was. Speaking of which…

"Where were you Miss Kaoru?" Everyone is instantly riveted on the question. She squirms uncomfortably under the spotlight and I regret putting her in this situation. To my surprise, she answers.

"I went to a place that my mother took me to awhile ago, to cool off and think about things. I decided that I'm happy here. That's why I came back." Is it my imagination, or did that last word hold just a hint of something not a joyful as she'd like us to believe. Sadness? Regret? Bitterness? It's impossible to tell.

"I was heading to Nara." Her voice is a hushed soft, barely above a whisper. Sano cringes, but turns his head away quickly, before anyone can see his expression. Pasts seem to have a way of haunting you like that.

**As you may well know I suppose?**

It was really creepy. The way the lies and pretending rolled effortlessly off my tongue like that. Worse, the way they believed me. Unconditionally. They were just so happy to have me back that they never suspected my true motive. Looking back now, if I've wondered once, I've wondered a million times. What convinced me to almost completely give up my identity? Why?

And then I always answer myself, each time with a different, ready made excuse. My talent lies in blaming others for my actions I'm not capable of taking responsibility for. How sweet. Well, in any case, I can't change the past. Just dwell on it until I can harden my resolve to actually go through with suicide. Until then, I'm too weak. Or too optimistic. The two are often confused in my experience, limited as that may be.

At the time I felt truly glad to be home. For maybe a second. Then I remembered my purpose and the anger came flooding back, warming me and comforting me in a twisted way.

Oh how I longed at that moment to just forget the incident. To just go back to normal and never worry about Froni or Nara or anything she told me again. Throw away the meaningless locket and discard upsetting, empty memories. Truths. Quotes. Unravel the tightly knitted web of reality she had formed around me.

I ran at that time. I think running is my natural instinct whenever I'm in a situation where, if I stuck around, I'd have to deal with a ton of overwhelming emtions. How did other people just stay and talk it out like the pain inside didn't exist. My pain was warping me even more than she had, if that can be possible.

This time I had a destination. A time. A place. A thought. I had to break this incessant circle or I would lose my mind, my friends, the place in life that I forged, barehanded, when I was handed hot coals. The only man I ever and will ever love. When I was informed of my father's death. When I was teased for being a martial artist who happened to be a woman. When my muscles ached, exhausted, sore, burned, frozen and raw. I kept going in much worse conditions than this.

So what was stopping me? Standing on a bridge, I had to throw away something. With the setting sun, something else had to leave this earth. More than anything, I found my will to survive, as is the curse of all mortals. Instinct, some call it. Folly Froni calls it. Something has to be gotten rid of so I can dawn tomorrow a new woman, not an old crone laden down either with the weight of a promised damnination, or morals and guilt to hold me back. Something had to go.

And quickly. The others were catching up with me, rooted to the spot with cruel indecision. I saw him in the lead. Saw his eyes. Saw worry, doubt, wonder, and something else. Something that if I hadn't seen, I would have cast away the locket and revealed the truth to them. Whatever that may be. But I saw it. He tried to hide it and the next fleeting moment it was gone, but I know I saw it there. Disgust.

Later on, I pondered this emotion that I'm not even sure he was aware of or remembers for that matter. How did I disgust him I wonder? Was it because in all the turmoil of me finally coming home, he simply couldn't fathom that I'd run again? Anger disguised for my continuance hurting of the people he now claimed as family? If I asked him, I might know. I might possibly ask him someday when I'm slightly more comfortable talking about the past. We avoid the subject because that would lead to accusations, truth, secrets that are never meant to be revealed, and unneccisary arguing. Possibly, but not probably.

At the time, I hurriedly shoved the locket down my shirt to hang next to my heart and turned to greet their worried and dismayed faces with my best, hundred-watt smile.

"Isn't the sunset great? If we hadn't run, we might have missed it!"

Personally, I'd like to think that the loss of their breath was do to my irrational actions, not the sunset, gorgeous as it is. They all laughed and stayed to watch it with me. Later on, we walked back to the dojo, joking the entire time to such a point that you'd never think I'd been gone for so long.

After such a jolly good time, involving sake drinking, hair pulling, and a tad bit of Yahiko bashing, we were all tired and decided to turn in. I note, at this point, that my speech has become quite similar to Froni's and even after all this time, it retains that odd vocabulary of hers. I don't know why.

The house was dead silent. I had been breathing evenly for the past couple of hours, trying not to think about what I was about to do and everything I was going to throw away. I still had a chance then. If I hadn't. if I had just fallen asleep I'd have surely lost my nerve and… No. My chance was lost a long time ago. Not at the bridge. Not by coming home. Not even when I chose to trust Froni. I can never be sure, but as soon as I ran out of the dojo, I chose my fate. I've just been stepping in tune and rhythm with my curse. I hope.

At the slightest noise, I'd start and clutch the dagger in my hand ever more tightly until finally, I felt the razor sharp metal bite into the fleshy palm of my sweating hand. I pushed the covers away and stood. Slipping through the shoji and ghosting down the hall, I never once made a sound. I crept ever closer and I was about to hesitate when I caught a glimpse inside his room. So defenseless. So helpless.

I stepped inside.

I wake up when she is near my bed. I lay perfectly still, trying to determine her motive. I feel uneasy and cracking my eyes to slits, I see a glint. Coldness washes over me. I am trained for these kinds of assisinations, but I'm not prepared for this. Snapping my eyes open quickly I snake my hand out to seize her hand. I hold it tightly and open my mouth to say something, I don't know what when I realize.

I triumphantly held up my right hand. I heard the hitch in his breath when he woke up and cleverly switched the dagger to the other hand in the nick of time. I felt possessed of a sort. I bellowed and brought the dagger down in what would have been the killing stroke. Except.

A wicked smile plays on her once innocent lips and I wonder franticly what has happened to her. What will happen to me? Her lips part and emblazoned words come in a voice not hers. I justify her actions quickly, dismissing her as mentally unstable or possessed.

**Love can do that to you.**

There is a slight hesitation. Not one she seems to notice, but an unconscious one. That only serves to better convince me of her remaining innocence and the opportunity to move in time to not be stabbed. Her words still ringing:

_"Silence over all reigns!"_


	7. Stbslg

Disclaimer: No Kenshin isn't mine. Yet...

I'm running now falling

Can't hear myself calling

Memories are less and fading fast

Every day I pass

Echoing through a shattered bawling

Seeing through both sides of the looking glass

I'm running again through a familiar street. My body is numb and yet tingling somehow, feeling something is out of place. I keep seeing these incomprehensible notes flying through the air, missing me by inches or not at all sometimes. They whisper in voices I don't recognize as they pass me. I can't stop, my feet are out of my control until I reach a house. A dojo. Where am I? I walk slowly through it, analyzing every step. It seems so familiar, but I can't quite place where I am. A very bright light suddenly overcomes me and I have to shut my eyes, but the light penetrates closed lids. A soft voice gently hums and then sings to me. She is the light, a harsh thing trying too hard to be kind.

"Silence, darkness, emptiness, lonliness. Feeling empty inside. You will run and you might hide, but you cannot ever escape from what is inside."

I awake suddenly. Wait. Who is I? No. Who am I? Where am I? I almost open my eyes to check things out when I hear a couple of voices speaking. They are near me, but muffled; as if on the opposite side of a door.

"She doesn't appear to have any injuries. From what I gather, the fainting was due to the events that had just happened, as well as pent up emotion. I don't know what happened to her while she was away, but from your observations, Sir Ken, something truly awful must have occured."

The one called Sir Ken speaks next. I had opened my eyes and saw the shadows through the paper screen. A woman had been talking previously, directly facing another woman. When I hear the voice, I am startled and realize the first woman had been actually speaking to a man. A child and another man are standing and listening intently.

"Sessha needs to find out what wrong befell Miss Kaoru. How long should we have her rest for? Sessha would wake her up now, but Miss Megumi, you are the doctor here."

O.K. So the woman's name is Megumi. But who is this Kaoru? I nearly jump as I see the slightly built man glance in my direction, but I know he can't see me, so I relax a little. Then, another thought occurs to me. I am Kaoru. Oh, so that is my name. A stirring of recognition ignites as I say my name over and over to myself. Kaoru Kaoru Kaoru. Yes, that is definitely my name. Megumi also stirs a memory, but I can't place it.

I realize slowly that I must have had relationships with these people and known them quite well. As the conversation progresses I learn other things, including how worried they are about me. I must have amnesia. Except, I remember some things. I know my mother is dead and so is my father. Wait! My sister! I wonder how she is doing. I haven't spoken with her in a long while. I remind myself to keep listening.

"Man, I can't believe the Missy just jumped out with the knife. Geez! And you of all people, Kenshin!"

"Yes Sano. That's what sessha can't figure out."

Alright, the tall man's name is Sano and the small one's name is actually Kenshin. My heart skips a couple beats when I think the name Kenshin. And you of all people. Perhaps we are married? That would explain my heart racing. The kid talks too.

"Oh come on Megumi! Is Kaoru going to sleep all day?"

"Calm down Yahiko!"

"Leave me alone Sanosuke!"

The kid, Yahiko, and the young man, Sanosuke, begin to beat each other up and Kenshin looks worriedly at Megumi. She takes a deep breath.

"I have not told you this yet because you are already so worried about Kaoru, but..."

Everyone falls silent and looks at the woman doctor.

"I have a strong suspicion that Kaoru will have amnesia when she wakes up."

No one moves or says anything for a little while. Then, Kenshin does.

"Miss Kaoru, will you come out and join us now?"

I jump. How could he have known? I sit up slowly and rise to stand. I look down at myself. Just checking that I am decent. Then, I open the thin door and kneel down next to Kenshin. Next to Kenshin. My belly does some tremendous flops.

I look around and try to memorize everyone's face. I start with Yahiko. He is very short, not any older than 9 or 10 I'd guess. So what is a child doing here? Where is here anyway? I glance back and all around me. This is my house and my dojo is over there. Funny how I remember this and not who these kind people are. I notice that Yahiko has a shinai slung on his back and a determined look in his eye. I do own a dojo... Perhaps I am his sensei? I nod internally. I know the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu and could teach it. Kamiya. That is my last name. I nod again. The longer I am awake, the more things I remember. Soon I should remember everyone.

Sanosuke, or Sano as Kenshin calls him. His arm and fist are bandaged and he carries himself like a fighter. I see no weapons on his person so he must use his fists. He had been turning his back on us and I glimpsed the sign of Evil on his back. How bizarre friends I seem to have.

Megumi is obviously a doctor and a very beautiful one at that. I feel a surge of jealousy and it is very familiar. My emotions clearly have not been told that I have amnesia and react to everyone in ways they remember.

Ah Kenshin. He is very beautiful, in a feminine way. The scar on his cheek looks painful and for some strange reason I feel sad when I look at it. His eyes are unusually purple and he is carrying a sword. Perhaps we are married.

"Kaoru! How long have you been awake? Are you feeling all right?"

"Why the hell did you try to kill Kenshin?"

I blink a couple times. I turn to Megumi first.

"I haven't been awake very long and I feel fine."

I look over at Sanosuke.

"Kill Kenshin? What are you talking about?"

Everyone looks at me strangely and I look at Kenshin.

"I tried to kill you? I'm so sorry! Are you all right?"

He smiles sadly at me.

"Sessha is all right, that he is. Sessha is more glad that you remember sessha."

Boy, this guy must think nothing of himself. Sessha? Geez, that could get annoying. Why on earth did I marry this guy? Wait. Remember him? I speak slowly.

"I am pretty sure I have amnesia because I would not have known your name is Kenshin except that I heard them call you that. "

Everyone looks quite startled except for Megumi who sighs and looks around depressively.

"I had suspected it would be so. The trauma of whatever happened compounded with the added stress of being convinced to murder Sir Ken must have been too much for her troubled mind and it decided to rebirth itself, so to speak, by starting fresh."

Sanosuke rolls his eyes and shifts a little on the support beam his is leaning on.

"Well, reteaching the Missy everything will be a pain, but at least she's alive and well."

"Yeah, at least we can be thankful for that."

I smile at everyone.

"Thank you for being so patient towards me. I'll try to learn quickly. Megumi, do you think my memory will ever come back?"

"It's hard to say. It probably will after some time, but there is also a chance it May never come back."

I nod and look at Kenshin.

"So, um, are we...?"

He just looks at me dumbly. They all do for a moment before Sanosuke starts laughing.

"No Missy. Unfortunately you and Kenshin are not married. Yet."

Kenshin blushes and mutters

"Sano..."

I blush and realize that just because I love him doesn't neccessarily mean he feels the same way towards me, but the smile he's giving me now makes me wonder...

"Miss Kaoru, perhaps you should spend the day resting, that you should. Tomorrow, you May remember more and if not, then you can observe without being so tired."

My eyes widen. This man is incredibly perceptive. He must have noticed the yawn I smothered earlier. I smile and stand abruptly.

"I think that sounds like an excellent idea. Thank you."

I turn to face everyone.

"I'll see you all tomorrow."

I turn around and walk back into my room, lie down and think over all of this new information. There must be some reason why I tried to murder Kenshin, but I can't quite place it. It must have been a mistake, I am clearly if not in love with him, then my feelings on the subject are very strong. Perhaps we had an argument?

It occurs to me suddenly that, for the first time since my father died and my sister abandoned me, I have a family. I smile widely and close my eyes. I am determined to remember what I can and help out with everything. Speaking of my sister though, I try to picture her face. I can't seem to remember what she looked like, except for her amazing eyes. They were so pretty and changed color often. They reminded me of glass. Stained glass eyes...

A few weeks later and I still don't remember anything more than when I first woke up. I have learned a lot though. The woman, Tae, who works at the Akabeko has been very supportive and I thank her so much for that. Upon questioning she told me that yes, Kenshin does like me a lot, but he doesn't have a lot of self-confidence and thinks himself unworthy of happiness. I am determined to make him happy anyway.

Tsubame is so sweet too and I help out at the restaurant as much as I can. Sanosuke and Yahiko have told me everything that happened in Kyoto and the girl Misao has sent me a letter. I have decided not to tell her about my condition as she seems the type to overreact and I don't want her to worry.

I get the impression from the way people treat me that I was a bit of an overworked and overreactive woman as well. They'll say something as a joke and then cringe a little, as if they expect me to hit them or something. I don't and they seem so shocked. I must have really been quite a bratty little girl. In one respect, I am glad at least that I could have grown up a little from who I once was.

I still give out the lessons in Kamiya Kasshin Ryu and I practice with Yahiko, something he tells me I've never done before. I did notice that my skills are not what they used to be, but I am regaining them quickly since my training is1900 hardest on myself.

I do what I can for Kenshin and he is so kind to me. I don't think I can ever pay him back for everything he has done for me, according to Miss Megumi. I tried to tell him that once and he got this really funny look on his face. He shook his head and told me it was quite the opposite, but I don't know what he meant. At the time I just shook off the strange feeling and resumed my training. I thought I had done a little growing up until Yahiko calls me Ugly and I feel my temper flare. I chase him a little with my shinai, but it is in fun and I am laughing. I really take the comment to heart though, and this evening, I spend some time in front of the mirror. I experiment with some lip rouge that I find in a chest by my wall and try on a kimono I remember my father saying was for a woman, not a young lady. Once it is on I blush and realize why. The neckline is very low and the whole thing hugs my curves in the right spots. I giggle as I can totally imagine Miss Megumi prancing around in this thing, but I don't know if I am quite ready for this. I can hear Sanosuke from the other side of my door.

"Oi Missy! Will you hurry it up in there? I'm starving!"

I giggle again. I made a little extra money today and I promised everyone we could go for some beef pot. I pile all my hair on my head and secure it with a new hairpin I just bought the other day and a few wisps frame my face. I look in the mirror a last time and realize with a start that I look so much older. I look closer and see my sister somewhat in my face. She had much different hair though, I recall suddenly. It was very curly, like my grandmother's was, and it was a whole array of colors. When I was very young I would jokingly call her a bush head.66

With that I turn and open the door suddenly, just as it appears Sanosuke was just about ready to come barging in. He looks at me for a long moment and then gives me a lop-sided grin. He whoops and walks away, out into the main room where everyone is waiting for me.

"Man Megumi! What have you done to the Missy? She's running around in an outfit fitting for a red light girl."

"Oh you would be so familiar with the costumes of the red light district."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I float out into the room to prevent anyone from fighting on this night and Yahiko, Megumi, and Kenshin all stare at me. Yahiko blushes and rolls his eyes. Megumi starts cackling wickedly like a fox and Kenshin continues to stare at me. I blush a little and look up at him through my eyelashes. Sanosuke takes one look at Kenshin and nudges him in the ribs with his elbow.

"Got yourself such a pretty woman now huh? Not a little Missy anymore I think."

He whispers loudly.

"I think it's the Fox's influence."

"What did you just call me?"

She yanks on his ear.

"Are we going to dinner or what?"

She leads, pulling out her rooster with her. Yahiko follows with his arm behind his head and Kenshin stands and smiles at me. My heart flutters.

"You look very beautiful tonight Miss Kaoru."

I blush and try to say something and fail. I murmur a thanks and stutter a second. Then, on the spur of the moment, I loop my arm through his and lead him out to chase after the three who have already left without us. The sun is setting and the beautiful golden light sparkles in Kenshin's hair. He oros a little, but walks with me anyway.

I must have taken all this for granted before, but I swear to myself this night that I will never do so again. Sanosuke and Megumi are my best friends, agruing loudly on the way. Yahiko and his Ugly comments and his hard work, he'll make such a nice man someday. And Kenshin... Well. I still have to work on him. I grin.

So amnesia caused all this happiness huh?

Momentary insanity leads to a clear vision.


End file.
